Timmy and Frida Go to the Zoo
by Thug Life Lana
Summary: You know how the story goes. Timmy and Frida are bored as hell so they decided to go somewhere fun, the zoo. Wanna make yourself laugh? Read this story. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.


Timmy and Frida Go to the Zoo

(Timmy is whooping Frida's ass in Mortal Kombat)

Timmy: I win again Fri.

Frida: Man that was luck.

Timmy: So beating you 50 times is luck?

Frida: Yes.

Timmy: Ok Frida. Whatever you say. You always have an excuse.

Frida: No I don't. I'm very good at video games.

Timmy: You play on easy and you still lose.

Frida: I need practice.

Timmy: Oh Frida...

(he turns the game off and reads a magazine)

Frida: I'm hungry as hell.

(she goes to the kitchen and grabs a meat lover's Pizza Hut pizza)

Timmy: Hold up. That's my pizza. I'm saving that shit.

Frida: But I'm hungry. You gotta feed your roomie.

Timmy: My roomie doesn't realize there's other food in the motherfucking fridge.

Frida: I didn't see any other food.

Timmy: Yo ass didn't even look.

(She moans loudly and goes back to the kitchen, puts the pizza back in the fridge, and grabs her leftover chicken alfredo from last night. She comes back to the couch and starts eating)

Timmy: as that so hard motherfucker? God damn. (he continues to read his magazine)

Frida: Now that shit was so damn good. (she burps) What's the plan for today?

Timmy: How about we go to the zoo?

Frida: Zoom?

Timmy: Take your dumbass back to school. I said a zoo motherfucker. As in a whole bunch of animals.

Frida: Ohhhh. Well what are we waiting for? Let's go.

(Timmy rolled his eyes and they headed to the zoo)

Frida: Whoa! Look at all the animals!

Timmy: I know right? Let's go to the Africa side.

(they go to the section where you usually see animals in the Lion only real life)

Timmy: Check out the elephants.

Frida: These motherfuckers are so damn big.

Timmy: Well they are the largest land mammals in the world.

Frida: I thought that was the dinosaurs.

(Timmy smacks his face.)

Timmy: Stay in school Frida.

Frida: The school couldn't stay in me.

Timmy: Woww.

(they go to the next habitat and it was a bunch of zebras.)

Frida: Check out all the horses.

Timmy: They're called zebras, Frida.

Frida: They look like donkeys with stripes.

(Timmy sighs)

Timmy: Let's just go to the next habitat.

(They go to where the lions are.)

Frida: Oooh. Lions. Aren't they supposed to be in Detroit?

Timmy: This ain't football Frida. These are real lions.

Frida: Really? There's no way they're real. I'm pretty sure it's just a simulation from a video game.

(she goes over the fence)

Timmy: Frida, if you don't bring your stupid ass back here.

Frida: Relax, Timmy. This is all fake.

Timmy: Motherfucker, we're in a zoo. Everything is real here.

Frida: Sure they are. Whatever you say.

Timmy: Ok. Don't say nothing when you get hurt.

Frida: I'll be fine. (she looks inside a lion's mouth.) Yep. All of this definitely look fake.

(the lion bit her down and seconds later it started mauling her)

Frida: AAAAAAAAAAAAA! They're real!

Timmy: Now what did I just say huh?! You just had to not listen to me.

(Frida comes back)

Frida: Yeah. They are very dangerous.

Timmy: You think?!

(they go see the hippos)

Frida: Damnnnnn! These bitches are thicc.

Timmy: Hell yeah.

Frida: Hippos right? I wonder what they eat everyday.

Timmy: Probably a hell of a lot of food.

Frida: Damn right.

Timmy: Do NOT go over the fence.

Frida: Don't worry. I won't.

Timmy: Good.

(she accidentally slips and falls in and fell into something slimy.)

Timmy: Are you ok Frida?

Frida: I'm fine. Good thing I fell in this mud.

Timmy: Uh... I don't think that's mud.

Frida: What else could it be?

Timmy: I'll give you a hint. It's what you do in the bathroom. Basically #2.

Frida: Wait. You don't mean...

Timmy: Yep.

Frida: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(she runs all the way home to take a long ass shower and then comes back)

Frida: That was so horrible.

Timmy: Yeah it was. That was a big pile of shit.

Frida: Yeah...

(they go to the rainforest section and they see a bunch of tigers.)

Frida: Whoa. It's a bunch of Tony the Tigers.

Timmy: Yeah. All his brothers.

(she throws a box of Frosted Flakes into their habitat)

Timmy: I know you didn't just throw a box of Frosted Flakes in there.

Frida: Maybe they can recognize who Tony is.

Timmy: Yeah. They're definitely gonna recognize a fictional cereal mascot.

(the tigers take the box and rip it apart)

Frida: I guess they don't like him.

Timmy: Or maybe they don't eat cereal.

Frida: You're right. I should've got chocolate flavored.

Timmy: Did you not hear what I just said?!

Frida: No I didn't. I wasn't listening.

Timmy: Of course you weren't.

(a tiger went up on the fence and claws Frida's face.)

Frida: Ow!

Timmy: Now that's karma.

(Frida goes to first aid and goes back to Timmy)

Frida: Now I got fucked up by 2 big cats.

Timmy: Hell yeah. This next one should probably not attack you.

Frida: I hope not.

(They go over to the exotic bird habitat)

Frida: Whoa. So many colorful bats.

Timmy: Motherfucker, those are birds.

Frida: I thought they were bats after they ate so many Skittles.

Timmy: Are you really that dumb?

Frida: Most of the time.

Timmy: I can tell.

(the birds made their usual noises)

Frida: What are they even saying?

Timmy: Do it look like I speak bird?

Frida: Yes.

Timmy: (-_-)

(a toucan flew right near them)

Frida: Look Timmy. It's Toucan Sam.

Timmy: I swear to God if you have Froot Loops...

Frida: Nope. I didn't bring any other cereal.

Timmy: That's what I thought.

Frida: Good thing they're in this cage just so they won't hurt me.

Timmy: You're right. There's no way they can hurt you. Unless something stupid happens, you should be safe.

Frida: Yeah. Definitely.

(unfortunately, there was a hole big enough for them to get out)

Frida: Stupid birds. You're locked up in this cage. You can't get me.

(she sticks out her tongue.)

Timmy: Frida, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Frida: Why not? They're in a cage. They can't get me.

(ironically, the birds flew out through the hole and start attacking her)

Frida: AAAAAAAAAAAA! Help!

(the zookeepers captures all the birds and puts them back in the cage and then he fixes the hole so they can't come out again.)

Timmy: Damn. Ok then.

(they go to the section where reptiles, amphibians and reptiles are.)

Frida: Wow. Check out that big ass worm.

Timmy: That's a snake Frida.

Frida: Weird name for a worm.

Timmy: It's not a worm. That's a diamondback rattlesnake.

Frida: It sounds harmless.

Timmy: No it's not. That snake is filled with venom and it can kill you depending on how strong it is.

Frida: Oh. Well I better stay away from this snake.

Timmy: Yeah. You better.

(they go to the bug section)

Frida: So many bugs. They look creepy as fuck.

Timmy: Hell yeah. Especially when you look at them up close.

Frida: I wanna see one up close.

Timmy: Frida, don't you dare break that glass.

(he points to a sign that said "Do not break glass".)

Frida: Fuck the police.

(she grabs a hammer and smashes the glass. All the bugs come out and start biting the fuck outta her)

Frida JESUS CHRIST!

(Timmy starts to laugh but then the bugs heard him and they start attacking him.)

Timmy: Oh come on!

(after that creepy crawly incident, they go to the section where the amphibians and arachnids are)

Frida: Great. More bugs.

Timmy: Technically, they're arachnids.

Frida: Irag-figs?

Timmy: Arachnids. They're like bugs only they have 8 legs instead of 6.

Frida: OK. Sounds interesting.

Timmy: Really?

Frida: No.

(they look at a tarantula)

Frida: This spider ain't moving. It's probably dead.

Timmy: Just because they're not moving doesn't mean they're dead.

Frida: A rock doesn't move. Is that alive?

Timmy: No motherfucker.

Frida: Exactly. So a spider and a rock have something in common.

Timmy: Oh my fucking God.

Frida: I wonder if that spider bit me, I can turn into Spiderman.

Timmy: First of all, that was not real. It was just a movie. Second of all, you better not take that big ass spider out its home and try to make it bite you. Third of all, let's go to the next session before your stupid ass thinks about it.

(they go to the amphibian section)

Frida: Whoa. Frogs.

Timmy: Congratulations Frida. You actually knew what animal it was.

(the frogs ribbit and hop in a pattern)

Frida: Cool.

Timmy: There's a lot of these frogs. I can't even name all the species.

(Frida hops like a frog and slips on a banana peel like a dumbass.

Timmy: Ha! Looks like karma hit you once again Fri.

Frida: No. I just didn't see that banana peel.

Timmy: It was in the middle of the floor. How could you miss it? Lol.

Frida: Let's just go to where the fishes are.

(they go to the aquatic section)

Frida: Boring. All they do is just swim around and do nothing just like Luigi.

Timmy: They're fish Frida. It's what they do.

Frida: Fish are the most boring animals in the world. No wonder we eat them when they're fried.

Timmy: That's your opinion bro.

Frida: No. It's a fact. The only thing that's not boring about them is that they die belly up above the water. Now that's fun.

Timmy: So seeing a fish die is fun to you?

Frida: Yep.

(he shakes his head)

Timmy: I'll show you a fish that's not boring. (he points to a shark.)

Frida: Damn. Where's the dentist when you need one. This motherfucker got cavities, gingivitus, and yellow ass teeth all in one. When was the last time he brushed? 50 years?

Timmy: You over here talking shit to a shark. I bet if a shark attacked you while you were in the middle of the ocean, your ass gonna regret that roasting.

Frida: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

(they go to where the whales are)

Frida: Dammmmmmn! These motherfuckers are fat as hell. What do they eat everyday, McDonald's? I should get a harpoon and Moby Dick their ass.

Timmy: Good luck with that. Your small ass can't handle a big ass harpoon.

Frida: You doubt my skills?

Timmy: What are your skills, sitting on your ass all day?

Frida: Uh...

Timmy: That's what I thought.

Frida: Well these whales are so damn big. I know that they're harmful.

Timmy: Trust me. They're gentle giants as long as you don't be Pinocchio and get eaten by one.

Frida: I just be Dory and speak whale.

Timmy: Where did you learn how to speak whale?

Frida: I saw it on T.V once. (she speaks a bunch of gibberish to the whales)

Timmy: Whatever show you watched on TV must have been canceled immediately because that was nowhere near a whale noise.

Frida: Well maybe I just had strep throat.

Timmy: You didn't have strep throat when you were doing all that screaming and hollering earlier.

Frida: Uh... uh... Fine. I don't speak whale.

Timmy: I know you don't. Now let's go to the next section.

(they go to the next session where they see a bunch of large reptiles.)

Timmy: See that Frida? That's a saltwater crocodile.

Frida: I know why it's called that.

Timmy: Why?

Frida: Because it looks salty as hell. Ha!

Timmy: That is the best joke you said all day.

Frida: Why thank you Timothy. It sure looks dead. I should poke it with a stick.

Timmy: Trust me Frida. It's alive. If you lay a finger on it, it's a wrap.

Frida: You're right. I should put my whole hand on it.

(she decides to be stupid again and goes over the barrier)

Timmy: What the fuck Frida.

Frida: What? All I'm gonna do is touch it and then come back.

Timmy: Frida, if you don't get your stupid ass back here.

Frida: Relax Timmy. It's not moving at all.

Timmy: It's gonna move as soon as you touch it motherfucker!

Frida: It's just gonna be a little touch. (she slaps the shit outta the crocodile)

Timmy: That's a little touch?! You fucked up now Frida.

Frida: No, I didn't. See? It's still not moving.

(a second later, it bit her hand in)

Timmy: Uh... Frida?

Frida: The crocodile is actually alive and is biting my hand right now isn't it?

Timmy: Yep.

Frida: Ok. AAAAAAAAAAAAA! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

(moments later, an employee tranquilized the crocodile and pulls her hand out.)

Frida: Thanks for that. I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for you.

Employee: Well maybe you shouldn't have been near that crocodile in the 1st place.

Timmy: I tried to tell her fam. She didn't listen to me.

(she bandaged her hand up)

Timmy: Well Frida, did you learn your lesson?

Frida: Yeah. Never go near a wild animal unless it's properly trained. Otherwise, they will tear your ass up.

Timmy: Good. You actually did learn something today.

Frida: Where to next?

Timmy: I think we have one section left. Let's go.

(the last section they go to the Arctic section)

Frida: Brrr. It's freezing.

Timmy: Well yeah. We're in the Arctic section. It's supposed to be cold.

Frida: Oh. I see. Ooooh. Penguins.

(they waddle together in a pack)

Timmy: Nice. These guys can actually take the cold. Look. A polar bear.

Frida: B-b-b-bear? (she has a flashback about their encounter with a grizzly bear when they went camping)

Timmy: Yeah. A polar bear. That's what I said.

Frida: Oh. Ok. Cool. Heh

Timmy: You ok Frida? Aside from all the mauling and scars?

Frida: I'm fine. Never better.

Timmy: All right. If you say so.

Frida: I think I had enough zoo for today. Can we go home please?

Timmy: Sure Frida. Let's get out of here.

(they head home and go to their main spot, the couch)

Timmy: Man, what a good day at the zoo.

Frida: To you, yes. I got my ass tore up by them wild ass beasts.

Timmy: That could've been easily prevented if you weren't being Frida.

Frida. True. Let's just relax.

Timmy: Yeah.

(they relaxed for a few seconds and then the news turned on)

News Anchor: Breaking News: A ferocious lion has escaped the zoo. Citizens are advised to lock all their doors and stay inside until the beast is contained.

Timmy: Frida, you did lock the door behind you right?

Frida: Yeah. Why wouldn't I?

Timmy: Because the ferocious lion on the news is right next to you.

(she looks to her left and saw the lion)

Frida: Fuck my life.

(the lion starts to tear her apart until animal control came. They tranquilize the lion, put it in a cage, and took it away back to the zoo.

Frida: I think I'm gonna take my ass t bed. (she goes upstairs)

(Timmy just shrugs and watches TV)


End file.
